Full Metal Milk
by Sailorstar165
Summary: Sequal to Quest for the Giant Cookie, Lust steals the gang's milk, and so they go to take it back.
1. Pass The Milk

Chapter 1: Pass the Milk

Hello once again, and here's the second installment of the FullMetal Cookie series, FullMetal Milk. Well, before I get too into saying junk, here's the fic!

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"Hey Ed!" shouted the leader of the OU, Selena. She, like the entire group of nutcases, was holding her Giant Cookies up high. "We were hoping to borrow some milk!"

Ed just stared as all of the nutcases filed in. "Hey! You guys are missing someone! That nut, Cassie, right?"

"She left a while ago to search for a magic well leading to the feudal era of Japan," explained Tiffany's intelligent llama, Bob. "I tried to tell her that there was no demon named Inuyasha, but she just wouldn't listen to reason."

"How dare you say such sacrilege!" Andrea shouted. "Inuyasha is **SO** real!"

"Just as real as Rachel's Squall," coughed the llama.

"Take a look at this!" Rachel said, yanking out pictures of an Anime Con. "See? Here's a picture of me hugging Squall with an Inuyasha in the background!"

Al looked that the picture. "Uh... These are people dressed up. You can tell by the wigs."

Tiffany shook her head. "Just give us the milk for our giant cookies."

Winry gawked around at the group of people who had escaped asylums for so long. "Edward, who are these people?"

"Just some psychotic people who stole the Giant Cookie from Lust when we were hunting it down," said Ed calmly. "Let's just give them some milk to eat their cookies so they'll leave."

The entire OU cheered. Effie was grinning too. "If you have mustard too..."

"Mustard?" Winry repeated, blankly. "Why would you want that...?"

"She has a thing for that tangy yellow condiment," stated Ryu calmly. He turned to his mustard obsessed friend. "I don't think they have any mustard. Don't you have your own?"

Effie pulled out a mammoth-sized bottle. "Of course!"

Everyone sat down at the table, their giant cookies taking up most of the available space. Ed went to get the milk, but then... "WHAT THE! DAMN IT!" He came back, carrying a milk jug transmuted to have his little speaker thing in the one episode where a train they were on was hijacked on the top to the milk wasn't as easily spilled. "All of the milk's gone, and those Homunculus left a note! It says they stole our milk!"

Winry's eyes went to dots like when something unbelievably stupid happens. "Why would they want milk...? I thought they were trying to take over the world or something..."

"The hell should I know? They said they'd give it back if we handed over our giant cookies! Like hell I will! We'll have to steal it back!" Ed laughed maniacally.

"Yes! I have the perfect plan to do so!" Chris pulled out yet another schematic from his shoe, and it was even bigger than the last one he had. "We'll need to find some of the flying hamsters in chef hats that cook sausage, though!"

Andrea bopped him on the head. "We don't have time to find your make-believe hamsters!"

"There are **_NOT_** made up! I saw one with my own eyes when we were coming here!" Chris snapped back.

"I think you need your eyes checked," mumbled Ed sarcastically.

"Brother, why don't we just by some more milk?" asked Al, trying to avoid having to go on some godforsaken quest once again. "I mean, it's just milk..."  
"We can't because it's the logical thing to do," said Bob, "and my owner and her friends are against anything that's logical. They'd rather go with what makes no sense whatsoever, as you already know."

Donut and Firefox were ignoring the conversation, since they had root beer. Periodically switching from chugging root beer and then eating a donut, they could hardly have cared less about the pilfered milk.

"Come on! Donut, we need your C4 making skills, and Firefox's obsession with making light sabers!" Selena called.

They nodded to each other at the idea of being able to blow things up and quickly followed the group on their adventure. They had left their cookies behind for Winry to keep an eye on, so that they wouldn't be stolen once again. How could they be so sure? Well, Ed told Winry that Lust had said her automail sucked.

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Well, what do you think? I worked hard on this chapter. Anywho, until next time, don't perform Alchemy to make giant cookies and don't steal people's milk! Lol. 


	2. How Stupid Can They Get?

**Chapter 2: How Stupid Can They Get?**

Here's good ol' chapter 2. Man, it's been a while since I updated... Enjoy the chappy!

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Selena had her binoculars out already and was staring at the pink house. A garden of multicolored roses and lilies and any other kind of bright flower had recently been planted. Tiffany, who kept saying Lust was her 'Long Lost Mother' who'd taken her false mother's child on accident, swore Lust couldn't have lived in such a horrid place. Ed, of course, was still saying the group was crazy.

"So how do we get in?" inquired Al.

"That's the fun part," said Donut, pulling out a grenade from seemingly nowhere. "We blow the place up and sneak in!"

Ed rolled his eyes. "I don't think they'd be hiding in the same place they were last time..." he commented. "The Homunculi are smarter than that."

Lust stepped through the yellow doorway wearing a sun hat and carrying various gardening supplies as he finished saying this. She was singing some song to herself, but it sounded strangely familiar to Edward. "Bokura wa ima demo sakenderu!"

"Hey! That's the ending song!" commented Ame.

Ed stared at her for a moment, about to ask her what the hell she was talking about. Thinking better of it, he said, "What's the plan?"

"Well, we could dress up like Santa, sneak in that way, and then steal the milk back?" suggested Rachel. "I mean, if they're dumb enough to be in the same base..."

"Now that's stupid," Ed said.

Al pondered the group's options for a few minutes. "How'd you steal the giant cookie?"

"Where's Chris and Andrea?" Firefox glanced around the area, and saw the two going up to the house. Chris was following one of his fantasy hamsters like usual and Andrea was trying to get him back, just like usual.

"Those guys are idiots," commented Ryu. "Maybe they'll get mutilated and we won't have to deal with them anymore."

"That's vile!" snapped the llama. "We can't let them get mauled by those mutated monstrosities!"

Donut scratched his head, confused. "Did anyone get what the llama said? He used a bunch of big words I've never heard of."

Ame pulled out her ninja headband. "We'll just have to use our L33T N1NJ4 5K1LLZ that we used last time."

Effie pulled out a ton of mustard. "Remember the walls were mustard colored last time? We'll have to wear mustard ninja suits!"

"We won't be wearing those this time. I have a better idea." Selena grinned as she pulled out a giant key. "I'll scare them off with this!"

"What's a damn oversized house key going to do for us?" snapped Ed.

Meanwhile, inside the house with Chris and Andrea, Lust was bustling around. "Try this! Envy's a great cook!" she said, putting a plate of once was probably salad. Now it was charcoal.

"I've never seen cooking like this since we let Ame in the kitchen," Andrea whispered to Chris, who was happily eating the blackened food. "I mean, I thought only Ame could burn a salad!"

Chris was completely ignoring his fellow otaku. "This is quite a good salad, isn't it, Mr. Squeakens?"

The hamster sitting next to him squeaked happily as it ate the only raw cucumber in the salad. Its chef hat was sitting next to him, along with his apron and pan of bacon.

"I see you've met my pet hamster, Mr. Squeakens!" said Envy with a grin. "He always loves eating what I make!"

Just then, Andrea got an idea. "Boy, eating sure makes me thirsty! Can I have some milk?"

"Of course! It's in the fridge," Lust gestured to the refrigerator wrapped in chains. "We have to keep Gluttony out somehow. Now where'd I put that oversized key...?"

Back outside, a small argument was ensuing. "It's a Keyblade!" shouted Selena, waving the giant key around dangerously.

"What the hell's a Keyblade?" Ed retorted. "There's no such thing!"

Selena stuck her tongue out at the alchemist. "I paid twenty bucks at a con for it, so it's the real deal!"

"Damn it! That has nothing to do with it! I can tell just by looking at the thing that it's made of lightweight aluminum! Just ask Winry!"  
Gluttony pounced and took the giant key from Selena. "Oh boy! Now I can get to the food!" He waddled off with the key.

"OUR KEYBLADE!" the entire OU (minus Andrea and Chris) cried out.

"Lust, I found the key! Do I get a cookie?" Gluttony asked when he handed the key to the leader of the Homunculus. "Please?" he added, seeing Lust about request the magic word.

"Good Gluttony! Here you go!" She handed him an Oreo. Then, she opened the fridge and handed Ed's jug of milk to them.

Suddenly, the door crashed in with the OU in the lead. Ed had stayed behind in the bushes. "Give me back my Keyblade!" Selena shouted. "I paid good money for that oversized house key!"

"Oh dear!" Lust said, looking at the key. "I'm sorry, dear! Here." She gave the key over without a fight.  
"That's it?" Donut said, surprised. "I was ready to use C4 and everything!"

"We'll be going now... Eheheh..." Selena said, pushing the OU out the door. "Thanks for the Keyblade back. Bye!" The all ran out Chibi-anime style.

Chris stood up. "Thanks for the yummy food, but we have to leave too. Come on!" He grabbed Andrea's hand that wasn't holding the milk and dragged her out.

"You guys got the milk! All right!" Ed took the milk. "Let's go home!"

"Wait!" Firefox shouted. "I saw Star Wars DVDs in there! Special edition, still in the wrapping!"

"And a computer that needs to be reprogrammed!" Donut shouted. They both nodded to each other and ran back into the house.

"I'll drag them back..." Ryu sighed, following them.

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That's it for this chapter. No, this fic is not over yet. There are still a few dorky jokes I need to put in. :-D Hope you enjoyed it. 


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